18. Tough Love…
My child don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children.
Hebrews 12:5-11 (Proverbs 3:11-12)
If you warn them and they refuse to repent and keep on sinning, they will die in their sins. But you will have saved yourself because you obeyed me.
Ezekiel 3:19
There is a worrying trend in parenting style that has been developing for some time. The idea that if we love our children, we will indulge them, lavish gifts on them, allow them to do as they please. Don’t get me wrong I am not against children having great things, but love is not always meant to be indulgent.
Early on in this series we looked at the idea that God’s love for us is a balanced, just love which forgives but also allows for consequences for wrongful behaviour. This is tough love. God doesn’t want to see us suffer any more than we want to see ourselves or others suffer but he also knows that if we are to learn from our wrong behaviour and to grow as people, we need to accept the appropriate punishment for that behaviour as well as God’s forgiveness.
In the same way we need to have tough love for ourselves, our loved ones, our friends. Tough love means that we must not only forgive those who have done wrong (including ourselves – sometimes the hardest thing is to forgive ourselves!) where it is in our power to forgive but also to help them understand the consequences of their behaviour. As my children were growing up there were times when I needed to ground them, take away a privilege, deny them something they wanted, to help them understand that such behaviour was wrong and to help them change their behaviours, move forward and grow as people.
There have also been times when I have had to challenge a friend over their behaviour. Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians encourages them to speak the truth in love so they can grow more like Jesus. Speaking the truth in love doesn’t always result in the person changing their behaviours but that isn’t our concern. Our responsibility is the same today as it was for Ezekiel who was charged by God to warn his people against their behaviour.
There are two things we need to have in place before we go to another with tough love:
- We must have sought God’s clear direction that it is for us to do this and obey him.
- We must be motivated by our love for that person.
Prayer: Lord, sometimes it is just easier to go with the flow, accept the behaviours of those around me, and not speak up. Give me the strength and the wisdom to seek your guidance to speak truth into the lives of others out of my love for them.
Amen
Action: Today consider how you love those closest to you – are you indulgent or do you practise tough love that will build the character of those you love? Let’s be in the business of Godly love that does what it must to build into each other.
Journal your thoughts…
