5. Choices…
I had a date for my surgery – April 12th 2021. Having met again with my surgeon I had a clearer picture of what this means. The surgery would take around 4-6 hours and would incorporate the removal of my voice box meaning I would no longer be able to breathe through my nose or speak normally. I would also have the right side of my thyroid and a number of lymph nodes removed from the right side of my neck. The windpipe would be separated from my oesophagus and I would have a hole (stoma) created in my neck connected to the windpipe (where the Adam’s apple is) through which I would breathe in and out. For a period of healing, I would have a tube inserted through my nose to my stomach and be fed through this tube until I passed a test called the “swallow” to ensure there were no leaks between the oesophagus and the windpipe.
I would also have a valve fitted into the windpipe with a little “trapdoor” which connects to the oesophagus to allow me to learn to speak by breathing in through the stoma (more on how this works later…).
So much information and so little time to take it all in and prepare myself. Physically I had no real choice as the alternative of radiotherapy was now a closed door due to the damage caused by the previous treatment and if I did nothing I would eventually die as the cancer spread.
But the choice I had was a very different one:
I am the Lord, who opened a way through the water, making a dry path through the sea. I called forth a mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smouldering candlewick.
But forget all that – it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see It? I will make a path through the wilderness. I will create rivers I the dry wasteland.
Isaiah 43:16-19
The God who parted the waters of the Red Sea (Exodus 14) in order to save the Israelite people and drown the Egyptian army, promises to save me. To create a dry path through the sea of surgery and recovery which I faced. Yes, I still had to go through the pain, the anxiety, the unknown pathway to recovery, in human terms it all looked pretty daunting and frightening, but God was giving me a choice.
Would I allow myself to be overwhelmed, to drown in the constant health issues that I may face following major surgery or would I choose to step into God’s dry path created to take me through the waters.
As I prepared for my surgery I began this journal and made the decision that I would choose the dry path and put my trust in God to be in control guiding the hands of my surgeon and the other doctors and nurses who were part of the surgery. To watch over the recovery process giving me the strength to cope with whatever I might face in the coming days. To ensure that all the cancer was removed, and I would be able to eat normally and learn to speak again.
As I write this journal the other side of a forty-day sojourn in hospital and repeat surgery, infections and struggles with reflux I am now able to speak again albeit with a different voice and dropping my H’s. I can eat pretty much anything (sausages are presenting a challenge but that’s okay I can live without them). As I look back over what was an incredibly hard journey which is not over yet, I know that I chose well.
If you are facing a large dilemma and are not sure if you are up for the path ahead, choose to follow the dry path with God and he will take you through the waters to the other side. It won’t always be easy, but he will keep your feet dry and walk with you through whatever it is you are facing.
Prayer: Whenever I am facing struggles no matter what they are help me, Lord, to choose to walk in the pathway you have created for me and not allow myself to be sidetracked into fear. Give me the courage I need to choose this path in the face of adversity.
Amen
Action: Take time out to consider the choices that you are facing. Seek God’s pathway through prayer and his Word.
Journal your thoughts…
