2. Created…

More than twenty years ago, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent surgery to remove my left breast and reconstruct it with flesh from my stomach I wondered if I would ever be a whole person again. Part of me, a very intimate part, had been removed because it was cancerous. I felt a lesser person, not who I had been before. In March 2021 as I pondered the loss of yet another part of me, I was taken back to this question of identity. Would I become someone different?

For you created my inmost being you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

When God created me, I had a complete body and now I am missing a few bits. Many are born with parts that don’t function as they were intended or, for one reason or another, may be missing parts. But they are still whole in God’s eyes. None of us are defective, we are all complete beings made in God’s image. Praise him for that.

When I heard again from my oncologist following a conference meeting of the ENT doctors regarding my treatment, he recommended that I don’t do radiotherapy because of damage from previous radiotherapy 20 years ago. My radiotherapy was cancelled, and I saw a surgeon to discuss surgery options.

It seemed that the cancer was larger than they thought, a grade 3, so the best option was a full laryngectomy, removal of my voice box. Another part of me gone. This meant breathing and speaking through a stoma, hole in my neck, for the rest of my life.

Once again, I sat in the pit of despair, facing loss to who I am. But I returned to David’s Psalm and remembered that I am not defined by my body, by my voice, by how I breathe. I am defined by who God made me to be, my inner being, I am fearfully and wonderfully made regardless of which parts of me may be missing.

I sat, struggling, along with Job, contemplating loss. I had a choice to make, surgery or eventually lose my life. I had another choice to make, as did Job, in the spiritual realm. Would I blame God for this, turn my back on him because he had failed me? Or would I, as Job chose to do, continue to praise him regardless of my circumstances?

Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I have, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!”

Job 1:20-21

Even if I lose my ability to talk and must breathe through my neck, I know that God is good. He created me and loves me just as I am in my inner being. Several years ago, during a prayer time, God showed me the image of a yellow rose and told me I was his yellow rose and he called me daughter. I have loved yellow roses ever since; they are such beautiful and vibrant flowers. I have them planted in my garden and buy bunches of them when they are in season to remind me of how special and precious I am to God.

In another of his Psalms, David has this to say:

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

Psalm 40:1-3

There isn’t a person on this earth who hasn’t been on; isn’t going through; or won’t embark on a journey of pain and suffering during their life span. We are all part of a fallen world full of disease, hunger; stress; war and strife. Some suffer more than others.

In his children’s book “You are Special”, Max Lucado paints a picture of a small wooden boy, Punchinello, who has suffered much at the hands of others. He has been given lots of grey dot stickers and no golden stars. His life journey has been one of pain, rejection, suffering and he has lost sight of who he is. One day a young girl, Lucia, who has no stickers on her at all, points him towards Eli, the woodcarver on the hill – their Creator. Eli greets him enthusiastically and his parting words to Punchinello are words we too can claim from our Creator:

Remember, you are special because I made you.

And I don’t make mistakes.

God sent his only Son, Jesus to live among us and ultimately give his life for us so we would have a way back to God, our Creator. We can trust him, as Punchinello did Eli, to be there for us, look out for us because we are his children, and he doesn’t make mistakes. He lifts us out of the mud and mire and sets our feet on solid rock.

When we are suffering God knows; he knows we are in a fragile place. And he loves us just the same (maybe even an extra measure if that were at all possible!) He is right beside us, our help and deliverer, our God, and I am his same daughter regardless of what happens to me physically. His beloved creation, his yellow rose…

We turn once again to David when he proclaimed:

I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, my saviour; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.

Psalm 18:1-2

Amen to that!

Prayer: We praise you because we are fearfully and wonderfully made, created in your image. We praise you because you have promised to never leave us or give up on us. We praise you because you love us completely just as we are.

Stand behind us as our protector as the enemy seeks to stab us in the back with thoughts of failure, threatened identity, blame. Stand beside us as our friend and comforter walking the journey with us. Stand in front of us to ward of the attacks and prepare the way for us to find new strength and direction.

Amen

Action: Spend some time reading Psalm 139:1-18; 23-24 and turn it into a prayer of praise and confession. Hear what God is saying to you and jot it down in your journal.

Journal your thoughts…