7. Dependent…
When I woke up after my surgery, I found myself completely dependent on the nursing staff. I was unable to get out of bed, shower myself, eat, talk. It was a very strange experience as I am typically a very independent person. The nurses were the experts, they knew what I needed and when. They gave me the various drugs I needed at the right time. They changed dressings and cared for me 24 hours of the day until I was able to begin doing things for myself. I needed to surrender myself to their care entrusting my life to them.
But I also needed to depend on God, put my trust wholly in him for my recovery. One such time was when I began haemorrhaging from my mouth. This happened a few times but the last time I feared for my life. Sitting up in bed one evening watching TV when suddenly the blood gushed from my mouth. I pushed the nurse bell over and over and it seemed like an age before anyone came then it was full blue alert. Nurses and doctors surrounding me, adrenalin pumped into me. Was I going to survive this – what if it happened again?
In the middle of this trauma, I knew that I had to trust in God and not lean on my own understanding…
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
God was in charge of my recovery. He would see me through the additional surgery I needed the next day to seal off the veins that were haemorrhaging in my neck. It wasn’t an easy journey but when I submitted myself to him, trusted him, then I was able to find peace again.
David knew what it was to depend on God for his life and writes in the Psalms:
I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
Psalm 40:1-3
Depending on God for this journey I have been through has not only sustained me through a 40-day recovery process but is also a testimony of God’s faithfulness to me. As I look back over what were some pretty dark days (including waiting two whole weeks after failing the swallow test to see if I could eat solid foods before I could take it again). I am amazed at God’s goodness and faithfulness. He was beside me even in those darkest moments and enabled me to push through the pain and the suffering until today, over three years later I sit at my computer living an almost normal life. I can eat normally, talk hands free with my special valve inserted in my stoma, and get out and about independently.
But I need to come back each day to the point of surrendering myself to God. To remaining dependant on him for the continuing journey of this new chapter in my life. I need to be a child at rest on its mother’s knee (Psalm 131).
As you journey through dark times either now or in the future remember to put your trust in God, depend on him for healing, for delivery, for new solid ground. And as you emerge continue to surrender to him each day.
Prayer: Lord, I can be a real control freak, wanting to do it all myself but I know that I need to depend on you to walk beside me each and every day guiding me forward through the day. Help me to trust in you for all my needs (2 Corinthians 9:8-10)
Amen
Action: Consider in what ways you need to relinquish areas of your life to God. Spend time in prayer with him.
Journal your thoughts…
