8. Loss…
In order to fully explain how loss has impacted my life I need to go back to March 2020 when I found myself made redundant after 12 years in the job that I loved. From June 30th 2002 I was cast adrift. At home all day, every day. I was devastated to lose what had got me out of bed in the mornings, given me a sense of purpose. The world continued around me, albeit in Covid style but for me time stopped for the next few months as I battled to make sense of this loss. I endeavoured to apply for new work, attended interviews but to no avail. It seemed that my career had come to an end. I became depressed, hated getting up in the morning to face another long, purposeless day.
And then the throat problems began, the changed voice, and the journey that is laryngeal cancer. You know the story which is ongoing. In the space of just 12 months, I had lost my career and my voice. It is hard to describe the feeling of loss I was experiencing. Tears spring to my eyes as I contemplate all that I had; the richness of my life compared to where I sit today. My losses are very real and continue to impact me. I have gone from a fulltime career to a stay-at-home person. I have lost the ability to talk without breaking every ten seconds to take another breath through my stoma. I can no longer sing. Talking on the phone is hard as others struggle to hear my new softer, gruffer, voice.
I had always imagined a different retirement and a few years down the track – not now. I would join a choir, take up lap swimming again, teach English as a second language for which I had already trained. None of these were now an option.
I was at a crossroad in life. I couldn’t go back and there were choices I needed to make that would enable a new life that leaves the loss behind and finds a different way forward.
When the poor and needy search for water and there is none, and their tongues are parched from thirst, then I, the Lord, will answer them. I, the God of Israel will never abandon them. I will open up rivers for them on the high plateaus. I will give them fountains of water in the valleys. I will fill the desert with pools of water.
Isaiah 41:17-18
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Isaiah 61:3
Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, “rivers of living water will flow from his heart.”
John 7:38
I was sitting in the desert mourning my loss. I was dry, thirsty for a new, fulfilling, purposeful life. But I was not alone. God promises living water to quench my thirst. He promises a new life that will turn my mourning into joy…
Once again it wa up to me to come to the waters, to drink…
Is anyone thirsty? Come and drink.
Isaiah 55:1
Loss is a very real thing that can impact us for years even to the end of our lives. The loss of a partner, a child, a friend. The loss of financial stability. The loss of health or a part of our body. This life is never certain and we can only plan ahead with an open hand knowing that our circumstances can change in the blink of an eyelid. We can find ourselves cast adrift, grieving whatever loss has come our way. How do we deal with this?
The answer is both simple and hard – we must come to God. Lay down our losses and seek the living water he offers that will sustain us and give us the new life we seek. We have to trust God daily for new mercies (Lamentations 3:22-24). Lean on him, seek his comfort and direction as we track through the darkness of loss to find a way out of grief.
Prayer: Lord, your faithful love for me never ends. Your mercies never cease. Great is your faithfulness, your mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “Lord, you are my inheritance, I will hope in you for release from loss and grief each new day of my life. I will be thankful for the new life I have been given through you“. (personalised Lamentations 3:22-24)
Amen
Action: It isn’t easy to sit and contemplate your losses. We have all lost something and grieve as grieve as a result. Today find a quiet place to just sit like Job did (Job 1-3) and grieve your losses. Then turn to God and ask him to restore the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25-26).
Journal your thoughts…
